I’ve discovered the joy of pancakes…
“Good for me” and “Who cares?” – right?
But I’ll tell you why it matters – at least to me: it was a sensory discovery. I realised I enjoyed the experience.
I’m from before the internet and maybe you can relate: when we first had to come to terms with how we were different, there was no google search available. The other day I sat eating a carrot and I got this familiar burning sensation on my tongue that I sometimes get when I eat raw carrots. It had never occurred to me to google it before, but this time I did. Turns out carrots are something one can be allergic to. Who knew?!
There’s a lot of things I don’t like. Things I don’t like eating, things I don’t like doing, things I don’t like, period. Over the years I have learned to connect many ‘irregular’ things to being HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), but only lately have I started to see a new kind of connection with the things I (don’t) like eating. For ‘normal’ people, it’s straightforward enough: You like this, I don’t like that, and that makes sense, because that’s just our personal sense of taste. But when you can taste the chemicals in foods, then that’s no longer personal, that’s sensitivity.
But this morning was different. I made pancakes. For the second time this week, for the third time, probably, in my life. Other people have made pancakes in the house before, but I never used to like them, because they gave me tummy aches (hello gluten!) and even once I knew and started buying gluten free flour, baking my own somehow never caught on, maybe because the connection with displeasure was too strong.
But that’s really the essence of this morning’s insight: there are tons -and tons!- of things I don’t like doing, because the connection with displeasure is too strong. But… I have changed since the days when I learned to class many of these as unpleasurable – I have changed big time! Yet I never stopped to reclassify all these ‘unpleasurable’ things.
Having gluten free flour, I can eat pancakes. I’ve been gluten free for four years! But today was the first time I actually (and utterly) enjoyed the pancake experience! By the same token, I’ve been coming to terms with my HSP-personality traits and the pitfalls of the empaths for ages, but yesterday I suddenly realised I actually enjoy going out and meeting new people.
That feeling bowled me over last night, as I suddenly found myself face to face with a handsome guy who seemed to like my smile. But it wasn’t until the pancakes that I put two and two together: I have to reclassify my experiences, I have to re-assess the things I thought I knew. It’s time to let go of the old notions, which are mostly based on fear (of disappointment, pain, displeasure) and open up to a new set of expectations (of pleasure, joy, fun).
And that just makes a whole lot of sense. And the thought brings on a whole new layer of joy and excitement all by itself, :D.
This post is dedicated to a dear friend. When I look at the timing of this insight, I know it’s a direct result of our session on new defaults and kidney discomforts! Changing the filters!